Shoppe Opened, Shoppe Closed

Unfortunately, the Shoppe at Elder Care Cafe has closed. Sometimes what we would like does not materialize as we envisioned. I will continue to write reviews as appropriate and relevant books or movies become available, but the shoppe for browsing will no longer exist.

Life seems to be a series of experiments. As we try various opportunities, we learn what works and what does not. Hopefully, I will always continue to look forward, and be willing to try new territory. No matter how old I become, or where I live, or what happens in the future, I hope that I continue to grow, move forward, and try new things.

How about you? Are you settled in where you are, or are you willing to experiment, reaching out into the unknown, and try something new?

You're Planning On Living How Long?

About six months ago, my dad was scheduled for a four hour session related to his heart condition. The cardiologist was running a one hour test and a three hour test. Dad adamantly declared he did not want to go through the test again. After talking to my siblings, we decided to let him make his own decision and therefore he did not have the test.

Last month we got a letter from the cardiologist who had rescheduled the test for Friday, April 3. Although Dad really did not want to go through the ordeal, he said, "Well, if I'm going to live to be a hundred, I guess I might as well stay healthy."

We arrived at the office about 8:45 a.m. and left a little after 1:00 p.m. with Dad looking pale and weary and declaring, "I'm never having that test again!"

After a quick very late lunch at a nearby Arby's, he felt much better. Friends of his, the wife is a distant relative, had accompanied us to the appointment and we thoroughly enjoyed our lunch and the drive to and from the doctors office. I think their presence made the whole event a little easier for Dad.

But, I bet we have a little different response from him the next time the cardiologist tries to book an appointment. What do you think?

Country's Family Reunion DVDs Review

As most readers know, my Dad has had limited vision all his life. He also was born color-blind. He attended the Lansing (MI) School for the Blind during high school, and has not had a driver's license since he was young.

At eighty-six-years-old he spends much of his time listening to talking books and watching TV (sitting right next to the TV). One of his favorite channels to watch is RFD. He enjoys the many old-time music shows featuring his favorite singers and musicians from the past.

We had purchased a series of videos from Country's Family Reunion, but he gave his video/DVD player to one of his grandchildren. A couple of weeks ago I bought him a set of DVDs showing hours of the Family Reunion shows.

I happened to have a 17" TV/DVD that I placed on an end table across the room from his TV. He can set in the rocker/recliner next to the smaller TV/DVD player and watch the DVDs. He quickly learned to operate all the buttons on the remote, and now watches the shows anytime he gets tired of listening to his books. It also causes him to move to a different part of the living room, which I think is good for him.

The shows are hosted by Bill Anderson and feature singing and conversation by major stars from past years. Occasionally they show outtakes of old performances from the 1950s - 1980's with comments by those who knew the performer, or by the performer themself.

I watched several hours with Dad and the shows are such a joy to watch for country music fans. The DVDs are produced and available from Gabriel Communications, 125 Belle Forest Circle, Suite 101, Nashville, TN 37221. You can reach customer service by calling 1-800-820-5405.

I highly recommend this series to any country music fan who would like to revisit a bygone era, and catch up with where those stars are now. The senior set will especially enjoy seeing their favorites.

Before You Go...

While you are visiting Elder Care Cafe, take a look at the pictures on the sidebar.

This blog was started as a journal to share the story of my Dad and my care giving/receiving journey, and to share information and experiences with other caregivers. The more formal extension of this blog is at ElderCareCafe.net.

I joined Dad on September 7, 2006 so that he could continue to live in the house he had shared with my mother since 1970.

New Year's week, 2007/2008, my daughter and her family came to visit. During their ten day stay, we had the opportunity to bond with my new grandson, Dad's great-grandson. The two pictures on the sidebar were taken during their stay.

David Lloyd was 21-months-old at the time. We miss him dearly, and enjoy the calls and pictures we have received since that time. He is growing up very quickly; he will be two-years-old on March 27. Hopefully, he will visit us again while we are still here. In the meantime, we will watch for further snail mail, email, and cell phone pix!

Do you have a special person in your life who lights up your day? If they live far away, I hope you have plenty of pictures to enjoy.

More Men Now Caregivers for Elderly Parents

According to a recent survey by the Alzheimer's Association, more men are caring for their elderly parents. Formerly a "women's job", men are stepping up to the plate, possibly due to the increased number of women in the workplace and families becoming smaller.

In 1996, the number of male caregivers was 19 percent. Now that number has increased to 40 percent of men who are now family caregivers. It is estimated 17 million men are now caring for adults in the United States.

Unfortunately, the male caregivers have more problems with isolation than do their female counterparts. It is believed women are more likely to open up to others about their concerns, socialize more than men, and generally get out of the home more often to attend support groups or church activities allowing them opportunity to interact with other adults.

Men have fewer outside contacts and tend to feel more isolated. For men, care giving is more stressful because they do not feel they can open up and talk about what is going on the way women are able.

On the caregiver forums, I have seen a few men join in the conversations, but the majority are women. Hopefully, if men aren't able to communicate with someone in their physical area, they will get online and open up to others in a safe online environment such as a caregiver forum.

Do you know a male family caregiver? Would you point him in the direction of the AARP online community, or the National Family Caregivers Association (NFCA) caregiver message boards? Just have them click on the links and they can easily and anonymously share their feelings and frustrations online.

Longevity and Life Expectancy Statistics

Today we learned that Edna Parker, who at the age of 115 was the oldest living person on earth, passed away Wednesday. The next person in line is Maria de Jesus of Portugal, who was born Sept. 10, 1893, and is now the world's oldest person according to the Gerontology Research Group.

Readers know I love interesting websites. Here is a link to About.com: Longevity. Two interesting articles currently highlighted include how higher gas prices saves lives, and as we have grown to expect life expectancy to increase, there are some counties in the United States where life expectancy decreases. Check out these articles and more by clicking on the term "Longevity" highlighted above.

Who is the oldest person you know? Are they a relative of yours?

Rally Around Your Loved One in Their Time of Need

Today I received a newsletter from the Michigan Family Caregivers through their Yahoo Group, MIFamilyCaregivers. The title of the article was Aging Gracefully.

In the newsletter they remind us that November is National Alzheimer's Awareness Month, National Family Caregivers Month, and National Hospice Month. Although each is an important topic, the three have a strong connection.

What I want to focus on in this entry is a comment made in the newsletter about family members and the final days of a persons life. After discussing Alzheimer's, the author continued by saying:

"As scary as that sounds to caregivers who are now facing early or middle stages (of Alzheimer's), gaining knowledge and preparing to address these challenges is critical. Never is it so important for the family to rally around the person and advocate for the best possible care for the final days and years of the persons life."

Because the person may no longer be able to communicate their basic needs and feelings, it is important that caregivers and family members recognize and understand what they need as best they are able. Watch for non-verbal clues that will help find ways to meet the person's needs.

I believe, in our family, we are blessed that as many have rallied around as they have over the years of Mom's dementia, and now Dad's final years. Most of us lived in the same state when Mom was at her worst, and those in the area were able to take turns visiting her at home and after she was in the nursing home.

With Dad, most everyone has scattered to various cities and states, but they try to visit when possible. What he really enjoys the most are photos that people send, telephone calls, and sharing personal interests such as football games or family history.

Whether family members live close by or far away, everyone in our family has done what they are able to rally around Dad in his later years. I hope no one ever thinks they did not do enough, because they are doing the best they can from where they are at.

When I am on the caregiver forums, I read horror stories of family in-fighting, lack of compassion, caregivers handling everything alone, and abusive situations.

Thankfully, our family has none of that, nor do I expect we ever will. That is not how we were raised, nor is it how we conduct ourselves as a family. No, we don't always agree, and that's okay. We work things out.

I feel very blessed for the family we have, the cooperation and support we receive, and I know Dad feels the same.

I just want to take this opportunity to thank my family for their support, even when they don't feel they are doing enough. We, as a family, have rallied around Dad in his time of need. For this, I am proud of my family.

How about you? Has your family rallied? If so, have you told them how grateful you are? How about telling them today!

The Senior Birthday Plans

Dad and Aunt Vi have set their birthday plans. Aunt Vi turns 91 on October 18th, the same day Dad turns 86. This photo is from Aunt Vi's 90th birthday party last year.

Aunt Vi's two daughters are coming over from Flint to pick Dad and I up to go to lunch. Last year Dad and I went over there and had a wonderful luncheon with Aunt Vi and her son-in-law. This year it is the womens turn and we will probably go to Lansing.

This is quite a milestone for the two of them. Who would have ever figured they would live this long? Their father died at the age of 86 from cancer, and Dad told me two years ago that he wanted to live until he was 86.

Well, I hope he lasts longer than that, because while I have lived here the last two years, the guy has grown on me. We didn't have the best of relationships over the years, but being his caregiver and seeing his health struggles has certainly changed my view and given me a new understanding of how strong is his will to live.

Every year we think this is the last time we will get together on the 18th, and every year they surprise us. Hopefully, we will have the same pleasant surprise next year.

Do you have a senior in your family who has defied the odds? How do you feel about that?

Seniors Working in Their Seventies

Several years ago, I worked in a hospital. One of my co-workers had reached 70 while I was still there. The last time I spoke with someone from our department, he was still working, although he had cut down on the number of hours.

Does he need the money? No. He is in a high paying job, and I know he has great investments and savings.

Does he need the benefits? Quite possibly that is why he stays.

Would he miss his co-workers? Absolutely! He is a very outgoing individual and loves the interaction with those around him.

He and his wife are able to travel to foreign countries, take at least one or two cruises a year, visit his daughter and her family in another state, and generally go wherever he wants. Luckily he is in a job where he has an understanding supervisor and enough co-workers, that he was able to pretty much come and go as he pleases with a little planning.

Am I jealous? No, he works hard and deserves every moment of his time off. In his late sixties, he overcame a potentially terminal disease, one requiring hours of chemo, numerous drugs, and the hyper-addictive positive attitude he had about life.

I don't know anyone who has ever overcome the challenges he had during the two years he fought the disease. When is he going to retire? If he has the same supervisor that was there when I was, he will retire whenever he wants.

Why? He earned the right to leave on his own accord. Even at his age, he works hard, brings a positive attitude to the workplace, and is an inspiration to all.

Today I read an article in the newspaper regarding a woman who is still working at 93. More seniors are working well into their 70's, 80's, and even 90's. There are numerous reasons why - sluggish economy, financial need, benefit packages, desire to stay active and around people, love of job, just to name a few.

I think we are going to hear more on this subject, especially with the many baby boomers heading toward retirement age.

What do you think? Should people work as long as they want? Should there be a mandatory retirement age in America?

Senior Center Follow-up!

Yesterday's lunch was interesting and much more fun than I expected. We sat with a former next door neighbor who is now 91-years-old and as sharp as can be. He still drives and lives alone in a house that was originally owned by his great-grandfather. He is a history buff and vividly recalls local events from decades ago.

Another former neighbor, whose son is a year younger than me, also shared our table. During lunch, I received updates on where everyone was living, who is working where, and who is now retired.

Back in the days of my childhood, we attended a one room country school until consolidation sent us into town. I am glad for the experience as we had the opportunity to bond within our community that we don't have today. Our community was made up of dairy farms, with fields of corn, wheat and other grains sweeping the landscape. Several of the farms are still going strong.

It was good to hear of men and women I grew up with, how they are doing, knowing that at least one of their parents has lived to the upper eighties and beyond.

It was good, also, to be reminded of the good old days; of a time when life seemed slower and the days longer, the friendships tighter, and the future wide open.

Have you recently been reminded of days gone by? How did you feel about the memories? What, if anything, do you long for from your past?

When Living Alone Is No Longer An Option

Most seniors, at some point in their life, must make the painful decision to leave their home. They find that living alone is no longer an option.

If for some reason they are incapacitated and unable to make their own decisions, a family member or close friend must step in to make arrangements for their care.

These three tips can ease an aging person's transition:

1. Discuss the future as early as possible. By the time people enter their fifties, they are beginning to discuss the future, often because they have helped their own parents. That is a good time for boomers to let their own children know their thoughts and concerns for their future.

2. Deal with the reality of the situation. Many times what we want to do in the future and what we are physically or financially able are two different things. We need to be honest with ourselves and our families as we head into the future.

3. Develop a tentative plan ahead of time. Write your desires down and keep them in a safe place. What do you really want if you become incapacitated? Does your spouse or children know your wishes?

As parents age, it is vitally important that trusted individuals have access to necessary papers such as wills or end of life choices. By keeping all family members apprised of a seniors wishes, concerns, and needs, conflicts will less likely occur.

This blog contains just a portion of the article Elder Care: When Living Alone is no Longer an Option. See the complete article at www.associatedcontent.com/ediedykeman.

Three Keys to Aging in Place

A growing number of aging senior citizens consider staying in their homes a priority. In the last few years a new term as emerged identifying those who desire to stay put.

The term? Aging in place.

Recent studies show approximately twenty-five million U.S. households are headed by someone over sixty-five. That number will grow as the leading wave of aging boomers arrives on the scene. With eighty-five percent wanting to remain in their homes, the challenge to do so will increase.

The following three factors are key in making that happen.

1. Physical and mental health. To age in place, seniors must be able to care for themselves. Families can prepare ahead of time by obtaining physical and mental examinations to determine what needs may arise and what services are required, if any.

Assess what community services are available. Often nearby family and friends are able to lend a hand. Public transportation, senior citizen centers, and programs such as Meals-on-Wheels quite often are available. Paid or unpaid caregivers can provide much needed assistance.

2. Financial Health. Especially vulnerable to forced moves are the low to moderate-income elders. Unable to pay for upkeep or expensive repairs on a house, many people must move in with other family members or make other less desirable living arrangements.

Experts say mortgages should be paid off prior to leaving the work place in order to reduce the likelihood of future financial stress. Some may consider an alternative course of action such as a reverse mortgage. Make sure to discuss options with a trusted financial advisor.

3. Physical condition of the home. If possible, make sure the senior’s home has been properly maintained. Homes are in constant need of upkeep and as people age, they will not be able to do the work themselves. Addressing as many needs as possible will assure a pleasant living experience.

Sometimes people know their needs ahead of time and are able to remodel. For example, removing steps and adding a ramp will make the home wheelchair accessible if health concerns warrant. Widening doors and adding grab bars to the bathroom will help the handicapped senior live alone. Remodeling a home to make it handicap accessible should be a priority.

Many people desire to remain where they feel a sense of warmth and comfort. They are familiar with the neighborhood and may still be active in the community. Their home is comfortable, convenient and feels safe. Strong memories and traditions are difficult to leave.

Helping people age in place will contribute to healthier, safer, and happier lives for millions of older Americans. Using wisdom and preplanning may allow many more of our aging population to remain in their homes.