Dementia and Disposition - Is there a Link?

A recent study suggests there is a link between Alzheimer's/Dementia and having a positive or negative personality. Although the findings were in the 50 percentile, there is a slim chance that positive people may not have as great a chance to succumb to the dreaded disease.

The writer of the article takes unction with the results of the study, noting that the researchers only visited the participants one time to determine whether they were a positive person or not. As anyone can have a bad day once in a while, it would seem further contact would be necessary to determine a persons personality.

To read more about this interesting study, and to find a link to the original article, click here.

To visit OurAlzheimer's.com home page click on the link. A part of Health Central, this site has numerous articles and information regarding Alzheimer's and dementia.

In your experience, do you think personality plays a part in whether someone will encounter Alzheimer's?

Rally Around Your Loved One in Their Time of Need

Today I received a newsletter from the Michigan Family Caregivers through their Yahoo Group, MIFamilyCaregivers. The title of the article was Aging Gracefully.

In the newsletter they remind us that November is National Alzheimer's Awareness Month, National Family Caregivers Month, and National Hospice Month. Although each is an important topic, the three have a strong connection.

What I want to focus on in this entry is a comment made in the newsletter about family members and the final days of a persons life. After discussing Alzheimer's, the author continued by saying:

"As scary as that sounds to caregivers who are now facing early or middle stages (of Alzheimer's), gaining knowledge and preparing to address these challenges is critical. Never is it so important for the family to rally around the person and advocate for the best possible care for the final days and years of the persons life."

Because the person may no longer be able to communicate their basic needs and feelings, it is important that caregivers and family members recognize and understand what they need as best they are able. Watch for non-verbal clues that will help find ways to meet the person's needs.

I believe, in our family, we are blessed that as many have rallied around as they have over the years of Mom's dementia, and now Dad's final years. Most of us lived in the same state when Mom was at her worst, and those in the area were able to take turns visiting her at home and after she was in the nursing home.

With Dad, most everyone has scattered to various cities and states, but they try to visit when possible. What he really enjoys the most are photos that people send, telephone calls, and sharing personal interests such as football games or family history.

Whether family members live close by or far away, everyone in our family has done what they are able to rally around Dad in his later years. I hope no one ever thinks they did not do enough, because they are doing the best they can from where they are at.

When I am on the caregiver forums, I read horror stories of family in-fighting, lack of compassion, caregivers handling everything alone, and abusive situations.

Thankfully, our family has none of that, nor do I expect we ever will. That is not how we were raised, nor is it how we conduct ourselves as a family. No, we don't always agree, and that's okay. We work things out.

I feel very blessed for the family we have, the cooperation and support we receive, and I know Dad feels the same.

I just want to take this opportunity to thank my family for their support, even when they don't feel they are doing enough. We, as a family, have rallied around Dad in his time of need. For this, I am proud of my family.

How about you? Has your family rallied? If so, have you told them how grateful you are? How about telling them today!

Taking Keys From Parents - When is the Right Time?

Monday and Tuesday of this week, popular local columnist John Schneider of the Lansing State Journal (MI), took on the tender subject of when to take the car keys away from parents. He describes the recent accident that landed his mother in the hospital, and the family's decision to not return her car keys to her. The decision was based on the fact that the car was totalled, but also they decided not to replace the car.

Yesterday several readers responded, one with a very similar story to what happened with my mother. In the readers case, the doctor told her mother not to drive, her children disagreed, and the doctor ordered a driving test. The woman passed the written, but failed the driving test.

In my mother's situation, we all knew she shouldn't be driving, but none of us wanted to be the "bad guy" and tell her no. Also, as my father couldn't drive due to his eyes, if Mom lost her license, the rest of use would have to step up to the plate. It sounds selfish, but we were all working and most of us lived out of town.

One family member worked at a hospital and the hospital carried forms people could fill out to request a driving test, but the family member, emotionally, couldn't fill it out. Another family member talked to Mom's doctor and his office sent a letter to the State of Michigan. The State sent a formal letter to Mom letting her know that due to her age, she needed to take a drivers test. That kept the family out of the "bad guy" column.

Well, Mom, Dad and Sister went to the license bureau, Mom took the test and did fine - until they got back to the parking lot. As she was attempting to park, she hit a car and flunked the test.

I remember she was extremely angry at the person who administered the driving test. It helped the family immensely that she was able to place blame on a nameless, faceless person rather than have someone in the family receive her ire. We all appreciated the efforts of the doctors office and the State in helping us with the transition.

If your family is in the same type of situation, check with your local Secretary of State's office, doctor's office, or hospital to see if they have a similar system.

Taking a parents car keys away is a very emotionally trying situation. Thankfully, we had an alternate solution presented to us that helped ease the transition.

Have you had a similar experience? How did you or your family handle it?

Finding the Keepers: The Drive

This is the second part of Sue Monroe's series, Finding the Keepers. See Part 1 on the previous blog post dated August 31st.

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Two weeks later, I asked Mom if she would like to go for a ride in my van. She had not been out since the previous July, because it was too difficult to get her in the van, and it seemed to upset her.

On this sunny April morning she hopped right in, buckled her own seat belt before Dad or I could help, then waited impatiently for poky me to get in and drive.

At the first stop sign we came to, I planned to turn right. A car was coming from my left, but far enough away, I probably could have made it. I waited because I needed to pick up enough speed to get up the hill on the interstate overpass, before the other car reached me. I had precious cargo.

From beside me I heard “GO, GO.”

Mom had leaned forward to see past me, judged the distance of the oncoming car, and decided I had plenty of time to pull out.

Good thing Dad had his seat belt on in the back seat. He would have fallen out, he was laughing so hard, because she was telling me how to drive.

It was the first time I had heard him laugh around her in the year she had been in the home. Of course, he told that story to everyone.

Mom “transferred up” (as the staff at the home called it) two months later.

I believe I have so many good memories from her last couple of years because I decided to look for them.

That is the first step in finding the keepers. Make up your mind to see things in a different way.

Instead of only seeing the bad things, look for something good in anything. For example, a little mannerism from the past that might trigger a good memory.

The more good you look for, the more good you will find. The stories I told in these posts were of Mom reacting to things she always loved – walking, bird watching, driving all over the countryside.

Seeing your loved one react to things they once loved can give you many new memories.

After Mom lost her drivers license, I drove one-handed most of the time. My other hand was tucked firmly in hers. I miss that more than I would have imagined.

Find something that touches you as much as it does them. You will have enough good memories to keep for a lifetime.


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Sue Monroe, the author of the two part series, Finding the Keepers, was caregiver to her mother, Emily Monroe, for six years. After Emily's death in 2004, Sue continued to care for her father until I, her sister, took over his care in September 2006.

Sue now lives in Missouri and enjoys traveling. You can see Sue's work at Red Bubble.

Finding the Keepers: The Walk

By guest author, Sue Monroe. You can read her bio at the end of this post. This picture is of Emily, Christmas 2001.

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Dementia is a long, slow process. As caregivers, we are deeply involved in day-to-day living. Later, it is difficult to remember the good times we enjoyed before the struggle became routine.

I have often heard “we see what we look for.” Now is the time to look for those little nuggets that will become keepers - the lasting good memories of your loved one.

After Mom moved into a nursing home, I most enjoyed our walks around the home on warm Sunday afternoons. She had always been a walker and, although it was a long walk, she loved it.

We were walking early one spring day when I heard her say “That’s pretty.” I knew it wasn't the view she found pretty, because we were facing the home’s maintenance yard.

It must have been the bird singing in the tree above us, so I said, “That does sound pretty. Do you know what kind of bird that is?”

She promptly informed me “No, I don’t know how to read yet. But I’m learning!”

It almost broke my heart because, as an elementary school teacher, she had taught kids to read for over 25 years.

But, I had to smile too. It was the first full sentence I had heard from her in more than two years. I still chuckle when I think of that walk. It is one of my favorite keepers.

What memories are you collecting about your parents? What treasure will you keep with you long after they are gone?

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Sue Monroe, the author of the two part series, Finding the Keepers, was caregiver to her mother, Emily Monroe, for six years. After Emily's death in 2004, Sue continued to care for her father until I, her sister, took over his care in September 2006.

Sue now lives in Missouri and enjoys traveling. You can see Sue's work at Red Bubble.com

Book Review: The 36-Hour Day

When we placed our mother in a nursing home, a friend of mine gave me a book that turned out to be the best resource I have yet seen. My friend was the Director of Nursing at that home and a friend from church.

The book was The 36-Hour Day: A Family Guide to Caring for Persons with Alzheimer Disease, Related Dementing Illnesses, and Memory Loss in Later Life, by Nancy L. Mace, M.A., and Peter V. Rabins, M.D., M.P.H.

The content turned out to be timely and exactly what my family needed as we made decisions that would affect Mom’s care. As difficult as it was to leave her at the nursing home, we knew we had her best interests at heart.

The 36-Hour Day turned out to be a goldmine of information beginning with a clear and detailed explanation of dementia to recent research outcomes and recommended reference tools for further study.

Chapters include discussion regarding medical and behavioral problems, obtaining outside help, caring for the caregiver, and locating nursing homes and other outside help. The thorough index listing was easy to use and additional information given regarding related national organizations and nursing home residents’ rights.

This book answered every question we had and was a great source of comfort to all of us as we traveled through the maze of choices and decisions necessary in the last years of Mom’s life.

I strongly recommend The 36-Hour Day to anyone whose family member shows signs of Alzheimer’s or dementia. It will be an invaluable resource to guide one through the difficulty of caring for someone with this devastating disease.

Do you have a favorite book or article that has helped you with elder care? How about an inspirational book, article or poem? Feel free to share in the comment section.

The Power of Touch (and Hugs)

On June 13, the fourth anniversary of our mother’s death, my sister and I were talking about how we missed her now more than ever. We realized what we missed most was the ability to touch her. Although she had lost the capacity to communicate, while she was alive we could still give and receive hugs.

Our mother loved to touch. When I was young, her desire to touch was an irritant. Now I would give anything to feel her presence and give her a hug.

Merriam-Webster’s Collegiate Dictionary defines hug as follows: “To press tightly, especially in the arms; to hold fast: cherish; to stay close to.” Touch provides comfort, security, affection. Gentle loving physical contact can bring peace to the soul; convey understanding, concern, and love.

When dementia has robbed a love one of the ability to verbally interact with or recognize family members, a warm hug can speak volumes. When we are no longer able to communicate, we learn others ways to connect. Touching conveys a powerful message that we are present in our loved ones life.

Our family as a whole has never been particularly touchy-feely. In later years, Mom led the way in breaking the emotional and physical distance between us. Unfortunately we are now denied the very thing we miss the most, the ability to touch our mother.

Elder Care Cafe's Inaugural Post

Elder care has long been a concern to my family. My mother died in 2004 due to complications from TIA dementia, approximately ten years after her initial diagnosis. You will hear more of her story later.

I am currently living with my eight-five-year-old father who shows signs of possible Alzheimers, or at the very least a diminished thinking capacity. He has not yet been diagnosed. More about Dad on later posts.

Hopefully this blog will become a place of respite, an opportunity to share information and experiences in the world of caregiving - especially caring for our parents. I am at the leading edge of the baby boomer generation (1946-1964) and hope what we share here will be of help to those coming along behind.

So, grab a cup of your favorite beverage, relax a while, and share your experience, impart wisdom or nuggets of information regarding the challenging, yet fulfilling, life of elder care.