Thursday Thirteen Caregiver Blog Site List

On the blogsite Alzheimer's Notes, Mary Emma Allen noted how she found a number of caregivers who have created blogs about their experience caring for a loved one. Caregivers are using blogs to express their own feelings and struggles, to help others cope, and to realize that they are not alone.

Earlier this month, Mary Emma listed a group of blogs maintained by caregivers, and I was very blessed that this blog was included on the list. I would like to thank Mary Emma for all she has done to encourage others who are going through the physical and emotional challenge of caring for a loved one.

If you have time, please visit Alzheimer's Notes and thank Mary Emma for her blog as she has given the rest of us the wisdom and understanding she obtained through her own caregiving experience. Many times, once someone's caregiving time is finished, they choose to move on. Mary Emma has returned to help the rest of us along.

Thank you, Mary Emma, for your concern and your support!

You can read the article at this link ==> Thursday Thirteen.

If you know of any other sites that are written by caregivers, please leave the name of the site in the comment section. I believe it is important that we continue to support one another.

More Men Now Caregivers for Elderly Parents

According to a recent survey by the Alzheimer's Association, more men are caring for their elderly parents. Formerly a "women's job", men are stepping up to the plate, possibly due to the increased number of women in the workplace and families becoming smaller.

In 1996, the number of male caregivers was 19 percent. Now that number has increased to 40 percent of men who are now family caregivers. It is estimated 17 million men are now caring for adults in the United States.

Unfortunately, the male caregivers have more problems with isolation than do their female counterparts. It is believed women are more likely to open up to others about their concerns, socialize more than men, and generally get out of the home more often to attend support groups or church activities allowing them opportunity to interact with other adults.

Men have fewer outside contacts and tend to feel more isolated. For men, care giving is more stressful because they do not feel they can open up and talk about what is going on the way women are able.

On the caregiver forums, I have seen a few men join in the conversations, but the majority are women. Hopefully, if men aren't able to communicate with someone in their physical area, they will get online and open up to others in a safe online environment such as a caregiver forum.

Do you know a male family caregiver? Would you point him in the direction of the AARP online community, or the National Family Caregivers Association (NFCA) caregiver message boards? Just have them click on the links and they can easily and anonymously share their feelings and frustrations online.

Rally Around Your Loved One in Their Time of Need

Today I received a newsletter from the Michigan Family Caregivers through their Yahoo Group, MIFamilyCaregivers. The title of the article was Aging Gracefully.

In the newsletter they remind us that November is National Alzheimer's Awareness Month, National Family Caregivers Month, and National Hospice Month. Although each is an important topic, the three have a strong connection.

What I want to focus on in this entry is a comment made in the newsletter about family members and the final days of a persons life. After discussing Alzheimer's, the author continued by saying:

"As scary as that sounds to caregivers who are now facing early or middle stages (of Alzheimer's), gaining knowledge and preparing to address these challenges is critical. Never is it so important for the family to rally around the person and advocate for the best possible care for the final days and years of the persons life."

Because the person may no longer be able to communicate their basic needs and feelings, it is important that caregivers and family members recognize and understand what they need as best they are able. Watch for non-verbal clues that will help find ways to meet the person's needs.

I believe, in our family, we are blessed that as many have rallied around as they have over the years of Mom's dementia, and now Dad's final years. Most of us lived in the same state when Mom was at her worst, and those in the area were able to take turns visiting her at home and after she was in the nursing home.

With Dad, most everyone has scattered to various cities and states, but they try to visit when possible. What he really enjoys the most are photos that people send, telephone calls, and sharing personal interests such as football games or family history.

Whether family members live close by or far away, everyone in our family has done what they are able to rally around Dad in his later years. I hope no one ever thinks they did not do enough, because they are doing the best they can from where they are at.

When I am on the caregiver forums, I read horror stories of family in-fighting, lack of compassion, caregivers handling everything alone, and abusive situations.

Thankfully, our family has none of that, nor do I expect we ever will. That is not how we were raised, nor is it how we conduct ourselves as a family. No, we don't always agree, and that's okay. We work things out.

I feel very blessed for the family we have, the cooperation and support we receive, and I know Dad feels the same.

I just want to take this opportunity to thank my family for their support, even when they don't feel they are doing enough. We, as a family, have rallied around Dad in his time of need. For this, I am proud of my family.

How about you? Has your family rallied? If so, have you told them how grateful you are? How about telling them today!

Cries of Passion From the Forums

As some of you may know, I have linked up with other caregivers on various forums. I found several interesting points along the way:

1. Almost everyone's situation is worse than mine. I am shocked at the conditions and situations going on in the home's of the elderly and infirm. Many of the people who are incapacitated to any degree are still in their 30's, 40's and 50's. They were in accidents that caused brain damage or other severe injuries, or developed Parkinson's Disease, MS, had a stroke, or were incapacitated for a myriad number of other reasons.

2. There are husbands and wives who were barely married long enough to settle down when life situations overtook them and they became caregivers to their spouse. That was not what they intended life to be like when they got married, but that's what was handed to them. Married life is difficult enough without having a devastating development like that. I have all the respect in the world for those who have cared for a spouse for many years, staying faithful to their marriage vows.

3. The compassion and support those caregivers provide others is remarkable considering what they live with on a daily basis. They are lonely, weary to the point of exhaustion, frustrated at the lack of help from other family members, struggling financially and physically, and yet they are able to lend a loving ear and caring heart to others on the forums.

Many of the caregivers are in dire need of care themselves. They are crying out for help as they are also providing aid, to their loved one and to those on the Internet. A theme on every thread is that they are so glad they found a place where they can pour out their heart to someone who understands.

That seems to be the greatest need of caregivers - to find someone else who understands.

Care giving takes more patience and understanding than any one of us has on our own. Whether we pull from a higher power, each other, or our own inner strength, we do the best we can under the circumstances. No wonder we are exhausted.

I wonder if people realize how much is going on in the lives of people all over the world. There are so many stories out there of struggles and hardship and pain and suffering, it is heartbreaking. All I can do is wonder why?

Maybe that's what life is all about - helping others. When we were younger, we kind of floated along living life, usually focused on ourselves, but then we came up against a season of time where either we had great needs or somebody needed us, and there was a huge paradigm shift in our lives and our way of thinking.

If you know a caregiver, reach out today with a word of encouragement, a hug, or even better, lend a hand to give them a time of respite. Many caregivers are also working part or full time and still carrying out their duties. Please do what you can to ease their burden.

Just think - someday you may be on the receiving end and needing care or respite. What would you want others to do for you?

Caregiving and the Campaign Trail

In today's CareConnection.com newsletter, Suzanne Mintz wrote an important article about the lack of conversation on the campaign trail regarding caregivers. And why is that, you ask?

Because, although health care reform will be a huge issue for the next president, care giving will not. The problem is not that care giving is not important, it is that the reason there are caregivers is because there is disease that so devastates the person who is ill, they require a caregiver.

It is the disease that must be addressed, researched, and a cure found. When we find ways to improve care and cut costs, we will have found a way to take care of the family caregivers.

Suzanne ends her message by stating, "There are so many things that need to change in our health care system, but if we can turn the tide and help patients with chronic conditions get the kind of care they need, we'd be well on our way to creating a truly positive change in how America provides and pays for health care."

Amen, sister!

Click on the title to this post and read Suzanne's important statement about the unfortunate state of health care and how it affects today's caregivers.

What do you think about today's health care programs? Are you a caregiver? How does the state of health care in America affect you?

Finding the Keepers: The Drive

This is the second part of Sue Monroe's series, Finding the Keepers. See Part 1 on the previous blog post dated August 31st.

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Two weeks later, I asked Mom if she would like to go for a ride in my van. She had not been out since the previous July, because it was too difficult to get her in the van, and it seemed to upset her.

On this sunny April morning she hopped right in, buckled her own seat belt before Dad or I could help, then waited impatiently for poky me to get in and drive.

At the first stop sign we came to, I planned to turn right. A car was coming from my left, but far enough away, I probably could have made it. I waited because I needed to pick up enough speed to get up the hill on the interstate overpass, before the other car reached me. I had precious cargo.

From beside me I heard “GO, GO.”

Mom had leaned forward to see past me, judged the distance of the oncoming car, and decided I had plenty of time to pull out.

Good thing Dad had his seat belt on in the back seat. He would have fallen out, he was laughing so hard, because she was telling me how to drive.

It was the first time I had heard him laugh around her in the year she had been in the home. Of course, he told that story to everyone.

Mom “transferred up” (as the staff at the home called it) two months later.

I believe I have so many good memories from her last couple of years because I decided to look for them.

That is the first step in finding the keepers. Make up your mind to see things in a different way.

Instead of only seeing the bad things, look for something good in anything. For example, a little mannerism from the past that might trigger a good memory.

The more good you look for, the more good you will find. The stories I told in these posts were of Mom reacting to things she always loved – walking, bird watching, driving all over the countryside.

Seeing your loved one react to things they once loved can give you many new memories.

After Mom lost her drivers license, I drove one-handed most of the time. My other hand was tucked firmly in hers. I miss that more than I would have imagined.

Find something that touches you as much as it does them. You will have enough good memories to keep for a lifetime.


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Sue Monroe, the author of the two part series, Finding the Keepers, was caregiver to her mother, Emily Monroe, for six years. After Emily's death in 2004, Sue continued to care for her father until I, her sister, took over his care in September 2006.

Sue now lives in Missouri and enjoys traveling. You can see Sue's work at Red Bubble.

Finding the Keepers: The Walk

By guest author, Sue Monroe. You can read her bio at the end of this post. This picture is of Emily, Christmas 2001.

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Dementia is a long, slow process. As caregivers, we are deeply involved in day-to-day living. Later, it is difficult to remember the good times we enjoyed before the struggle became routine.

I have often heard “we see what we look for.” Now is the time to look for those little nuggets that will become keepers - the lasting good memories of your loved one.

After Mom moved into a nursing home, I most enjoyed our walks around the home on warm Sunday afternoons. She had always been a walker and, although it was a long walk, she loved it.

We were walking early one spring day when I heard her say “That’s pretty.” I knew it wasn't the view she found pretty, because we were facing the home’s maintenance yard.

It must have been the bird singing in the tree above us, so I said, “That does sound pretty. Do you know what kind of bird that is?”

She promptly informed me “No, I don’t know how to read yet. But I’m learning!”

It almost broke my heart because, as an elementary school teacher, she had taught kids to read for over 25 years.

But, I had to smile too. It was the first full sentence I had heard from her in more than two years. I still chuckle when I think of that walk. It is one of my favorite keepers.

What memories are you collecting about your parents? What treasure will you keep with you long after they are gone?

******
Sue Monroe, the author of the two part series, Finding the Keepers, was caregiver to her mother, Emily Monroe, for six years. After Emily's death in 2004, Sue continued to care for her father until I, her sister, took over his care in September 2006.

Sue now lives in Missouri and enjoys traveling. You can see Sue's work at Red Bubble.com

Caregiver Forums

Last night I visited several caregiver forums to chat with others who are caring for their family members. Click on the title of this message and you will go to one of those sites, the National Family Caregivers Association.

What saddened me were the numerous posts related to the same topics. Here are the top five issues:

1. Depression

2. Exhaustion/burnout

3. Isolation

4. Lack of support from other family members

5. Parent experiencing the end of their life

In some cases money was a problem, but didn't seem to have as great a bearing as expected where most posts were concerned.

Money does affect what kind of care a parent receives, whether care is at home or in a nursing home, what other support is available, and whether hired help is an option.

But, the other five issues were of greater importance.

If you are reading this and you know a caregiver who is crying out for help, consider what you can do today to relieve their stress.

Remember the Golden Rule. What would you want others to do for you if you were in a similar situation?

Thank you!

The Power of Online Forums

I belong to several online forums for caregivers. One forum participant currently has a survey thread and several people have responded so far. The main gist of the survey is why do people join forums and what does the participant like or dislike about forums.

The two reasons that struck me the most were the feelings of isolation and lack of freedom as a caregiver. Several people railed because of the lack of support and understanding of their siblings.

They joined the forums because it is difficult to leave the home to go to a support group. Their main support is through connecting with strangers online.

Online forums are easily accessible to those with computers and for those who do not want to or cannot leave their home. Also, if their loved one needs them, they are able to step away from the computer to attend to their needs.

As always, a main concern I hear about is fatigue. Rarely do caregivers get the rest they need, or the time to take any type of respite.

Many caregivers have given up years of their lives to care for aging family members. This is especially true due to the longer life spans now available to our parent’s generation and those following. As the life span continues to increase, we will see many more caregivers with parents and grandparents well into their nineties and over 100.

Recently I read a statement about how different caring for aging parents is today than how it was many years ago. I know the life span issue is one facet that makes a huge difference in the lives of caregivers today. As medical science continues to advance, this issue is not going to go away.

That brings up the question of who is going to care for those of the later age group? How are those in their late sixties, seventies, and possibily early eighties going to care for their parents?

Who is going to care for the caregivers?

What are your thoughts on longevity and the role it plays in the lives of family caregivers?

Caregiving and the Golden Rule

Two years ago, when family members heard I was moving in with my father so he could stay in his home, one said to another, “(She) won’t last a year.”

Actually, I agreed.

The very first day, as the movers were bringing in my furniture, Dad and I got into a nose-to-nose, toe-to-toe argument heard up and down the street. He was a lot stronger then and I was not going to allow him to control me as he had for many years.

Not a good start for a caregiver.

Six months later, Dad was rushed to the hospital in a diabetic coma. From that time on, his health steadily declined.

The biggest life lesson I brought with me as a caregiver was to treat him the way I would want others to treat me in similar circumstances.

Barring the need to set our respective boundaries and mark our territory for the first couple of months, we actually have gotten along quite well.

Whenever I feel frustrated, angry or impatient with him, I immediately think, “How would I want my daughters to treat me?” I mean, the thought is immediate.

I can only think it is God reminding me of His law of sowing and reaping.

In lay terms, it is similar to the golden rule: Do unto others, as you would have them do unto you. Another way of saying it is, what comes around goes around, or you reap what you sow.

No matter how the golden rule or the law of sowing and reaping is expressed, beware of how you treat others, because eventually that behavior is going to come back at you.

If you hurt others, you are going to be hurt. If you are kind to others, chances are others will be kind to you when you need it most.

When I am old and decrepit, I know I want someone to be patient, kind, understanding, helpful, calm in the midst of emergency situations, a listening ear whether they feel like listening or not, tender, protective, and so many other attributes a good caregiver possesses.

It is difficult at times, but I am serious when I say every day there is a voice inside that reminds me how to treat my dad.

That voice carries a lot of weight. When He speaks, I listen.

Not because I want to receive anything, but because it is the right thing to do under the circumstances.

New Book Notice: A Family Caregiver Speaks Up

A Family Caregiver Speaks Up: It Doesn’t Have to Be This Hard

by Suzanne Mintz, President, and Co-Founder of the National Family of Caregivers Association has a new book available now on the NFCA website.

The blurb reads:

“Full of advice for family caregivers, this one of a kind book written by a family caregiver provides lessons from family caregivers across the country, tips for interacting with the healthcare system to better meet the needs of families dealing with chronic illness, and a cogent presentation of how public policy has a profound effect on even the most intimate details of life in caregiving families.”

Having just finished Love, Honor, & Value, I would strongly recommend this follow-up book. Although some of the information will likely repeat from the last book, it is now six years later and Mrs. Mintz continues as caregiver to her husband.

A Family Caregiver Speaks Up will enhance any caregivers’ library.

Book Review: Love, Honor, & Value

Book Review: Love, Honor, & Value. A Family Caregiver Speaks Out about the Choices and Challenges of Caregiving

By Suzanne Geffen Mintz
President and Co-Founder, National Family Caregivers Association

This book explores the meaning of love, honor, and value in the everyday lives of family caregivers. It discusses why care giving is different today and what role society should play to integrate care giving into the fabric of our health care system.

Caregivers are an element of the health care team and deserve acceptance as such. They bring inside knowledge of the loved one’s condition to the table. Their day-to-day experience merits respect.

Love, Honor, & Value is part memoir, part philosophical treatise, and shows a new way of looking at life. Mrs. Mintz shares insights and ideas meant to ease a caregiver’s journey learned first hand from her own experience.

The common thread interwoven through all caregiver’s lives is the emotional impact of care giving. Common emotions include feeling overwhelmed, grieving the loss of personal time, sadness, and stress.

Caregivers should examine, accept, and experience their emotions. It is okay to be angry, to cry, to let go in a healthy way.

Although published in 2002, I just discovered this wonderful book. Mrs. Mintz shares her personal story as a caregiver drawing the reader in as if everyone were sitting in the family room sharing his or her story around a warm, inviting fire.

She writes with a comfortable conversational style and the reader knows she truly understands. She understands the isolation, the frustration, and the fear.

Because of her experience, she knows first hand just what to say to provide comfort.

The book explores what the everyday life of a caregiver is all about, and what part the words of the title play in that life.

Ultimately, it is important the caregiver understands she or he needs to take control of their life. Reading this book will reinforce that lesson.

Love, Honor, & Value is as pertinent today as it was the day it was written, and should be at the top of every caregivers reading list.

Return of the Cleaning Lady

Yesterday, after a one-year absence, our cleaning lady returned.

Last year, as a cost cutting measure, we decided I would clean the house. It’s a good-sized three-bedroom house with a loft at the top of the stairs and huge walk-in closets.

At first, I was okay. The cleaning lady only came in every two weeks but I liked to clean the house once a week. The more my freelance writing business picked up and Dad’s needs increased, the less time I could devote to taking care of the house. Because I appreciate a clean and orderly home, I was not okay with letting anything go.

Therefore, she’s back!

I recently read an article by copywriting guru Bob Bly. He discussed outsourcing as much as possible to increase production. I would add outsource to increase quality of life for those who are in need of assistance or would like to add more hours to their day.

As this relates to elder care, my dad used to mow his own lawn in the summer and clear snow from the driveway and sidewalks during the winter months. After several accidents with his riding lawn mower and as his health declined, we knew we needed to make a few changes.

A local man and his son have a yard care business. Once a week our lawn receives a trim with riding mower and hedge trimmer. In the winter, when the snowfall reaches at least three inches, we hear the magical sound of their pickup with attached snowplow. What a relief when these men show up, do their thing, and leave.

The cost? Between thirty and forty dollars for each occurrence. Obviously, the snow and lawn mowing are at different times of the year and the cleaning lady shows up every other week. As these tasks are routine, we can usually enter them as a budget line item. Some years we have a heavier snowfall than others, so it’s a little difficult to plan. However, most of the time we can anticipate how much we need for these services on a monthly basis.

The assistance we receive from these wonderful people makes a huge difference in our quality of life. Caregivers, or even those who aren’t, should consider outsourcing. Remove another task from your daily or weekly to-do list.

What are you able to outsource? Where can you reduce the workload in your life? Make a list of jobs that cause you anxiety and see where you can ease the burden and increase your quality of life.

Saturday Morning Musings

Dad and I had a quiet 4th of July. Until after dark, that is. For about two hours the pops and sparks and sounds of fireworks filled the air. But it was expected and ginger ale and vanilla ice cream floats took care of any angst we may have felt.

Hope everyone had a good day. We are so thankful for the freedom we enjoy living in the United States. Although at times we may know things could be better, as we look at the problems and situations in other countries, we can't help but feel blessed to live in the land of the free.

I know this blog is still in its infancy and I'm not sure exactly where it's going. Should it be a strictly formal venue for all things elder care related, or should there be an informality that allows one to swing between the heavy and the lighter fare?

I spent a good deal of time yesterday researching and writing about elder care and thought I had a post ready, but just couldn't quite bring it together. This website can get into some heavy topics, and living with an elderly man, who happens to be my father, and trying to write about caring for the caregiver and other topics can get a bit dicey.

Humor has always been a fallback for me whenever life has put in a more somber appearance than I would like. Stepping back from the situation and placing my focus on other interests also helps to lift a sometimes listless mood. Fortunately, several telephone calls from family members yesterday evening also provided a welcome distraction.

Therefore, after all was said and done, no post was entered and today I am looking at other blogs regarding writing and/or elder care. I'm looking forward to a productive, yet relaxing, day as I peruse other sites.

What are you doing to lighten the caregiving load? What pleasant distractions do you enjoy? Are pleasant distractions and guilty pleasures related?

Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend. Is it really the 4th already?

Caring for the Caregiver, Part 2 - Expand Your Support Network

Few people are prepared for the daunting task of care giving. Fatigue, depression, and health problems can plague a caregiver unless he or she seeks necessary relief. Thankfully, numerous options are now available for respite and renewal. Here are several suggestions:

1. Join a support group. A group related to a loved one’s illness or disease provides an opportunity to meet people who understand what you are going through. Often support groups discuss wide-ranging topics or bring in a speaker who can answer questions and suggest available resources. A social time usually follows.

Support groups bring together people from all lifestyles. During group sessions, they are able to share experiences in a safe and supportive environment, update each other since the last meeting, laugh and cry together, and many times form lasting friendships.

Support group meeting times and locations are sometimes available through local hospitals, listed in the community section of the newspaper, or on the Internet. Many people network with other caregivers in online forums.

2. Seek individual counseling. If support groups are not available in your area, consider talking to a pastor or counselor. Many churches offer free or by donation counseling and support services.

3. Surround yourself with caring people. Choose people who make you feel valued and cared about. Appropriate family members, friends or co-workers, church members, and neighbors can offer strong emotional and mental support.

During this season of time, you need positive and loving reinforcement, laughter, meaningful conversation, and the ability to share feelings and concerns.

4. Find outside interests. All caregivers should avoid isolation. Many times you may feel too tired to join a support group or attend functions. However, you must make the effort to become involved in some form of activity.

A few activities you could try are:

+ Join a group. Become a member of a group that interests you and can expand your horizons, such as a writing group, or a book or garden club.
+ Take a class. There are numerous classes held in local schools, in the community, or on the Internet. Learn a new language, paint a picture in oil or watercolor, or create a vase in pottery class.
+ Join a health club or swim at a local pool. Many schools offer free or low cost opportunities to use their pool.
+ Volunteer for an hour or two for local organizations, museums, theatre groups.
+ Walk daily or several times a week with a neighbor or friend
+ Participate in a golf league or on a bowling team.

Expanding your support network provides an opportunity for much needed respite several hours a day or week. Ask for volunteers or hire someone to care for your loved one while you take a few hours for yourself. Adult day care centers are available in many locations.

To provide adequate care to a loved one, a caregiver could seek outside activities. Although you may feel too tired to go anywhere, even the smallest step will bring a sense of renewal and will enable you, in the end, to provide better care.

What one activity would you like to do today to give yourself a mental and physical boost? Consider taking part in that activity in the next few days or weeks. You will feel much better for the experience.

Caring for the Caregiver, Part 1

Many of us are ill prepared as a caregiver. When we are busy living our own life, the need to care for a parent or other family member can unexpectedly come upon us.

Being a caregiver is often a tough, draining experience, but it can offer great rewards. The following list highlights a few of the situations or feelings a caregiver may experience.

Physical and emotional:
+ guilt, anger, frustration
+ fatigue
+ depression
+ health problems
+ stress due to limited training and lack of how-to information
+ stress due to amount of time and energy spent

Financial:
+ complications in the work place
+ loss of job due to relocation or time off
+ reduced work hours due to caring for your loved one
+ increased costs due to daily and/or long-term care

Social:
+ stress among family members
+ curtailed activities such as travel
+ loss of friends and relatives who may drop away
+ less personal leisure time

Sometimes a caregiver may desire to run away from the situation, or feel no one understands or cares what they are going through, especially when other family members distance themselves or are silent.

The caregiver may feel like the weight of the world is on his or her shoulders.

Fortunately, a number of options are available that may help ease the stress of caring for a loved one. For example:

1. Expanding their support network
2. Seeking professional help as needed
3. Learning to set priorities
4. Maintaining physical, mental, and emotional health
5. Joining a caregiver support group

Here are a few ideas for now. I will go into greater detail Monday.

Learning to care for a loved one is on-the-job training. Knowing ahead of time we may make mistakes along the way allows us to let go of any guilt we may feel when it happens.

When we live by the golden rule and treat others as we would want to be treated, our time as a caregiver can be a fulfilling experience.

Communications 101: Back to the Basics

Most of us tend to be social creatures. Emotionally, we need interaction with other people.

The week after my mother's funeral, Dad began attending Tuesday and Thursday senior lunch programs just a couple blocks from his home. He already knew several people who attended and has met many more during the past four years.

For a while he enjoyed the day trips offered through the Senior Center, but due to his eyesight he decided he was no longer able to attend.

That same week, he also purchased a motorized vehicle which enabled him to get around town. Driving himself to the dentist, barbershop, drug store, and several local restaurants gave him a freedom he had not experienced in quite a while.

Dad and his brother were born with limited eyesight. He attended the School for the Blind during his high school years. Dad was also color blind most of his life due to a childhood illness. He has not had a drivers license since his thirties and has had to depend on others for transportation for many years.

His travels around town, connecting with other people, provided him a social life he would not otherwise have enjoyed.

Dad belongs to the local Masonic Temple and has actively participated in their meetings as well as attended meetings in several neighboring towns. His fellow Masons provide rides to most of the functions. I tease him about his "guys night out", but I believe it has helped him after the loss of his wife.

Between the Senior Center and the Masons, Dad has something to look forward to other than sitting in his chair and watching TV or listening to his talking books. When I first moved in with him, I noticed his struggle with depression. Being actively involved in outside activities has brought him new energy and the opportunity to look to the future.

On another communication note: This afternoon I am meeting a friend at our local cappuccino spot for coffee and conversation. In her early 70's, she provides care for her eighty-five-year- old husband who has Alzheimer's. We met through a local writers group in the fall of 2006 and meet on occasion to chat. With mid-eighties men and a love of writing in common, we enjoy our time together.

We need our social time, whether we are the senior needing care or the caregiver in need of respite. Having a specific place to go, meeting new people or touching base with old friends, enlarging our circle and opening our minds to new and varied topics provides us the opportunity to keep moving forward.

As we age we are sometimes tempted to spend too much time dwelling on the past. Our social network helps us plan and anticipate, look forward to the next meeting, laugh, enjoy, and experience life outside the home, at least for a couple of hours.

If possible, reach out today and connect with a friend. You'll be glad you did.