Country's Family Reunion DVDs Review

As most readers know, my Dad has had limited vision all his life. He also was born color-blind. He attended the Lansing (MI) School for the Blind during high school, and has not had a driver's license since he was young.

At eighty-six-years-old he spends much of his time listening to talking books and watching TV (sitting right next to the TV). One of his favorite channels to watch is RFD. He enjoys the many old-time music shows featuring his favorite singers and musicians from the past.

We had purchased a series of videos from Country's Family Reunion, but he gave his video/DVD player to one of his grandchildren. A couple of weeks ago I bought him a set of DVDs showing hours of the Family Reunion shows.

I happened to have a 17" TV/DVD that I placed on an end table across the room from his TV. He can set in the rocker/recliner next to the smaller TV/DVD player and watch the DVDs. He quickly learned to operate all the buttons on the remote, and now watches the shows anytime he gets tired of listening to his books. It also causes him to move to a different part of the living room, which I think is good for him.

The shows are hosted by Bill Anderson and feature singing and conversation by major stars from past years. Occasionally they show outtakes of old performances from the 1950s - 1980's with comments by those who knew the performer, or by the performer themself.

I watched several hours with Dad and the shows are such a joy to watch for country music fans. The DVDs are produced and available from Gabriel Communications, 125 Belle Forest Circle, Suite 101, Nashville, TN 37221. You can reach customer service by calling 1-800-820-5405.

I highly recommend this series to any country music fan who would like to revisit a bygone era, and catch up with where those stars are now. The senior set will especially enjoy seeing their favorites.

More Men Now Caregivers for Elderly Parents

According to a recent survey by the Alzheimer's Association, more men are caring for their elderly parents. Formerly a "women's job", men are stepping up to the plate, possibly due to the increased number of women in the workplace and families becoming smaller.

In 1996, the number of male caregivers was 19 percent. Now that number has increased to 40 percent of men who are now family caregivers. It is estimated 17 million men are now caring for adults in the United States.

Unfortunately, the male caregivers have more problems with isolation than do their female counterparts. It is believed women are more likely to open up to others about their concerns, socialize more than men, and generally get out of the home more often to attend support groups or church activities allowing them opportunity to interact with other adults.

Men have fewer outside contacts and tend to feel more isolated. For men, care giving is more stressful because they do not feel they can open up and talk about what is going on the way women are able.

On the caregiver forums, I have seen a few men join in the conversations, but the majority are women. Hopefully, if men aren't able to communicate with someone in their physical area, they will get online and open up to others in a safe online environment such as a caregiver forum.

Do you know a male family caregiver? Would you point him in the direction of the AARP online community, or the National Family Caregivers Association (NFCA) caregiver message boards? Just have them click on the links and they can easily and anonymously share their feelings and frustrations online.

Rally Around Your Loved One in Their Time of Need

Today I received a newsletter from the Michigan Family Caregivers through their Yahoo Group, MIFamilyCaregivers. The title of the article was Aging Gracefully.

In the newsletter they remind us that November is National Alzheimer's Awareness Month, National Family Caregivers Month, and National Hospice Month. Although each is an important topic, the three have a strong connection.

What I want to focus on in this entry is a comment made in the newsletter about family members and the final days of a persons life. After discussing Alzheimer's, the author continued by saying:

"As scary as that sounds to caregivers who are now facing early or middle stages (of Alzheimer's), gaining knowledge and preparing to address these challenges is critical. Never is it so important for the family to rally around the person and advocate for the best possible care for the final days and years of the persons life."

Because the person may no longer be able to communicate their basic needs and feelings, it is important that caregivers and family members recognize and understand what they need as best they are able. Watch for non-verbal clues that will help find ways to meet the person's needs.

I believe, in our family, we are blessed that as many have rallied around as they have over the years of Mom's dementia, and now Dad's final years. Most of us lived in the same state when Mom was at her worst, and those in the area were able to take turns visiting her at home and after she was in the nursing home.

With Dad, most everyone has scattered to various cities and states, but they try to visit when possible. What he really enjoys the most are photos that people send, telephone calls, and sharing personal interests such as football games or family history.

Whether family members live close by or far away, everyone in our family has done what they are able to rally around Dad in his later years. I hope no one ever thinks they did not do enough, because they are doing the best they can from where they are at.

When I am on the caregiver forums, I read horror stories of family in-fighting, lack of compassion, caregivers handling everything alone, and abusive situations.

Thankfully, our family has none of that, nor do I expect we ever will. That is not how we were raised, nor is it how we conduct ourselves as a family. No, we don't always agree, and that's okay. We work things out.

I feel very blessed for the family we have, the cooperation and support we receive, and I know Dad feels the same.

I just want to take this opportunity to thank my family for their support, even when they don't feel they are doing enough. We, as a family, have rallied around Dad in his time of need. For this, I am proud of my family.

How about you? Has your family rallied? If so, have you told them how grateful you are? How about telling them today!

Taking Keys From Parents - When is the Right Time?

Monday and Tuesday of this week, popular local columnist John Schneider of the Lansing State Journal (MI), took on the tender subject of when to take the car keys away from parents. He describes the recent accident that landed his mother in the hospital, and the family's decision to not return her car keys to her. The decision was based on the fact that the car was totalled, but also they decided not to replace the car.

Yesterday several readers responded, one with a very similar story to what happened with my mother. In the readers case, the doctor told her mother not to drive, her children disagreed, and the doctor ordered a driving test. The woman passed the written, but failed the driving test.

In my mother's situation, we all knew she shouldn't be driving, but none of us wanted to be the "bad guy" and tell her no. Also, as my father couldn't drive due to his eyes, if Mom lost her license, the rest of use would have to step up to the plate. It sounds selfish, but we were all working and most of us lived out of town.

One family member worked at a hospital and the hospital carried forms people could fill out to request a driving test, but the family member, emotionally, couldn't fill it out. Another family member talked to Mom's doctor and his office sent a letter to the State of Michigan. The State sent a formal letter to Mom letting her know that due to her age, she needed to take a drivers test. That kept the family out of the "bad guy" column.

Well, Mom, Dad and Sister went to the license bureau, Mom took the test and did fine - until they got back to the parking lot. As she was attempting to park, she hit a car and flunked the test.

I remember she was extremely angry at the person who administered the driving test. It helped the family immensely that she was able to place blame on a nameless, faceless person rather than have someone in the family receive her ire. We all appreciated the efforts of the doctors office and the State in helping us with the transition.

If your family is in the same type of situation, check with your local Secretary of State's office, doctor's office, or hospital to see if they have a similar system.

Taking a parents car keys away is a very emotionally trying situation. Thankfully, we had an alternate solution presented to us that helped ease the transition.

Have you had a similar experience? How did you or your family handle it?

Finding the Keepers: The Drive

This is the second part of Sue Monroe's series, Finding the Keepers. See Part 1 on the previous blog post dated August 31st.

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Two weeks later, I asked Mom if she would like to go for a ride in my van. She had not been out since the previous July, because it was too difficult to get her in the van, and it seemed to upset her.

On this sunny April morning she hopped right in, buckled her own seat belt before Dad or I could help, then waited impatiently for poky me to get in and drive.

At the first stop sign we came to, I planned to turn right. A car was coming from my left, but far enough away, I probably could have made it. I waited because I needed to pick up enough speed to get up the hill on the interstate overpass, before the other car reached me. I had precious cargo.

From beside me I heard “GO, GO.”

Mom had leaned forward to see past me, judged the distance of the oncoming car, and decided I had plenty of time to pull out.

Good thing Dad had his seat belt on in the back seat. He would have fallen out, he was laughing so hard, because she was telling me how to drive.

It was the first time I had heard him laugh around her in the year she had been in the home. Of course, he told that story to everyone.

Mom “transferred up” (as the staff at the home called it) two months later.

I believe I have so many good memories from her last couple of years because I decided to look for them.

That is the first step in finding the keepers. Make up your mind to see things in a different way.

Instead of only seeing the bad things, look for something good in anything. For example, a little mannerism from the past that might trigger a good memory.

The more good you look for, the more good you will find. The stories I told in these posts were of Mom reacting to things she always loved – walking, bird watching, driving all over the countryside.

Seeing your loved one react to things they once loved can give you many new memories.

After Mom lost her drivers license, I drove one-handed most of the time. My other hand was tucked firmly in hers. I miss that more than I would have imagined.

Find something that touches you as much as it does them. You will have enough good memories to keep for a lifetime.


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Sue Monroe, the author of the two part series, Finding the Keepers, was caregiver to her mother, Emily Monroe, for six years. After Emily's death in 2004, Sue continued to care for her father until I, her sister, took over his care in September 2006.

Sue now lives in Missouri and enjoys traveling. You can see Sue's work at Red Bubble.

Blogger on the Move

Edie's Potpourri has opened for business. EP will exist in a more relaxed, informal, and anything goes atmosphere. Elder Care Cafe will strive to interact with other caregivers on a more formal basis.

Let me know what you think of Elder Care Cafe, what topics would you like to discuss or learn more about, what information and advice can you share from your experience as a caregiver.

I would love this to be an open forum for caregivers, especially Boomers, who are involved with the care of their elderly parents whether living in the same home, in the area, or caring from a distance.