Family Update - All is Well

Apparently I haven't posted since Dad's traumatic header down a flight of stairs on August 8th. He and my daughter were attending a birthday party for a long-time friend of Dad's. The party was held in their church basement. As Dad and Deb were leaving, they climbed a flight of stairs and Deb told Dad to wait and she would grab their jackets. While he was waiting, he apparently became dizzy and took a dive down about eight steps, face forward and head down, coming to a stop on the landing.

To make a long story much shorter, he spent three days in ICU and ten days at a rehab center. He has had home health care since that time, mostly due to a large wound on his leg that is slow in healing. He is diabetic and healing this wound is a major consideration. Thankfully, the wound care people are taking good care of him.

David's Visit

The second major event this fall was the visit by my other daughter, Barb, and her son David. You will see his picture in the previous post. They stayed for approximately two weeks, and were missed before they even left the driveway. Texas is a long way from Michigan, and we have no idea when we will see them again. Thank God for cell phones with the ability to send pictures and short videos. We are able to keep up to date on David's growth and his activities.

Dad's 87th Birthday
The third event this fall was Dad's birthday on October 18th. He turned eight-seven-years-old (87). What a milestone. His sister turned 92 on the same dad. We didn't do anything really special, just had a quiet day of football and special dinner, but he did receive numerous birthday cards and phone calls throughout the weekend.

If you haven't had the chance as yet, stop over at the Elder Care Cafe.net and check out what is happening. We are up to 266 posts at this time and still going strong. Lot's of changes there recently in the look of the site, but the same intent - to support caregivers and the elderly - is still of utmost priority. We celebrated our 1st birthday in early August. We had a birthday cake, balloons, and of course Beyer's sugar free pecan ice cream.

Just a quick update. Hope you get a chance to visit us somewhere on the web. We are still here although we don't post as often anymore.

Let us know what is going on in your life. We would love to hear from you and how you are doing with your care giving. Take care and hope to hear from you soon.

Dad and His Pals

Dad has belonged to the Masonic Lodge for many years. Although I do not agree with their beliefs, Dad has formed a number of strong friendships through the organization. Their fall season has arrived and Dad's meeting schedule has increased.

Because of his eyesight, he is dependent on others for rides. Although I am willing to give Dad rides to his meetings, he has a friend named Roger, who since last year has taken Dad to numerous meetings in our small town and to neighboring towns. This week Dad was at two meetings, one locally and the other out of town.

The reason I am writing about this on a site devoted to elder care is that I think it is important for Dad to get out of the house. He needs to interact with friends even though his eyesight and hearing loss prevent him from being as active as he would like.

Several of the guys at the temple quite often give him a ride home after meetings, but Roger has taken a greater step. He picks Dad up and takes him all over the place as they visit other lodges. By doing so, he has given Dad something to look forward to in an otherwise dull lifestyle since the loss of his wife.

This blog today is a thank you for all those who are willing to go out of their way to help someone who cannot do for themselves. Dad would love to be able to drive, to travel when and where he wants, but circumstances prevent him from doing so.

Because Roger is willing to drive out of his way to make sure Dad can visit others from around the area, Dad has something to look forward to. When he returns home he can think about the guys he talked to and the topics they discussed rather than sitting around feeling depressed because of his health situation.

That is a good thing! Thank you, Roger, and all others who are willing to take a step up and help an aging senior stay actively involved in his community.

The photo above is the Masonic Temple in Detroit.

What are you doing to help seniors stay active? What would you like to do to help out?

Writers Capture Life Stories of the Terminally Ill

In recent years, writing memoirs and life stories has become quite popular. Numerous local and internet groups have formed providing a platform to share the hundreds of thousands of stories now in existence.

I conducted an internet search and found 96,000,000 sites by entering “life story writers.” Many were probably duplicates, but that was still quite a large number.

Opportunity to share life stories

Story circles abound giving people an opportunity to share their life with others if they choose, self-publish if they desire, and receive writing assistance when necessary. Using outlines and writing prompts help keep writers on track.

Some stories are told chronologically while others are an anthology of anecdotes. Many times photographs and personal recipes are included.

Terminally ill given final opportunity to share

Often people write their own stories, but a growing trend is to write life stories for those who are terminally ill.

A group in my area volunteer their services through local hospice centers or by word of mouth. They interview the person while taking notes and taping the conversation. They willingly spend hours writing a small book, which is bound and presented to the terminally ill person and his or her family.

The bound book can be soft or hard cover and the person interviewed controls the content. They see a final draft before the book is printed, and that allows them to edit whatever they may decide to leave out of the final copy.

It is their book, and the content and how the story is told is their choice.

Later, families of the deceased often describe the book as a gift given to them by their loved one. Life story books hold information only the storyteller could know and is told in their own voice.

That is a powerful legacy to leave their loved ones after they are gone.

Online Support for Caregivers

Previously I mentioned caregivers and their need for some type of emotional support. Recently I joined two online forums, both providing an opportunity to communicate with other caregivers.

The first is AARP's online community. I have had several conversations with other caregivers, plus I joined a joke of the day group. That should be interesting. You can reach AARP at http://www.aarp.org/.

The second is on the National Family Caregivers Association (NFCA) website. They have a wonderful message board with numerous topic threads. They are located at http://www.nfcacares.org/.

Both of these websites also have good information for the babyboomer set. NFCA was created for caregivers and provides a lot of info and support specific to that topic.

Of course, there may be support groups in your area where you can have one-on-one contact, including hugs, but the on-line forums are available 24/7 and can be another handy resource in the caregivers arsenal.

Let me know if you find any others. I'm getting to be quite the joiner.

Three Keys to Aging in Place

A growing number of aging senior citizens consider staying in their homes a priority. In the last few years a new term as emerged identifying those who desire to stay put.

The term? Aging in place.

Recent studies show approximately twenty-five million U.S. households are headed by someone over sixty-five. That number will grow as the leading wave of aging boomers arrives on the scene. With eighty-five percent wanting to remain in their homes, the challenge to do so will increase.

The following three factors are key in making that happen.

1. Physical and mental health. To age in place, seniors must be able to care for themselves. Families can prepare ahead of time by obtaining physical and mental examinations to determine what needs may arise and what services are required, if any.

Assess what community services are available. Often nearby family and friends are able to lend a hand. Public transportation, senior citizen centers, and programs such as Meals-on-Wheels quite often are available. Paid or unpaid caregivers can provide much needed assistance.

2. Financial Health. Especially vulnerable to forced moves are the low to moderate-income elders. Unable to pay for upkeep or expensive repairs on a house, many people must move in with other family members or make other less desirable living arrangements.

Experts say mortgages should be paid off prior to leaving the work place in order to reduce the likelihood of future financial stress. Some may consider an alternative course of action such as a reverse mortgage. Make sure to discuss options with a trusted financial advisor.

3. Physical condition of the home. If possible, make sure the senior’s home has been properly maintained. Homes are in constant need of upkeep and as people age, they will not be able to do the work themselves. Addressing as many needs as possible will assure a pleasant living experience.

Sometimes people know their needs ahead of time and are able to remodel. For example, removing steps and adding a ramp will make the home wheelchair accessible if health concerns warrant. Widening doors and adding grab bars to the bathroom will help the handicapped senior live alone. Remodeling a home to make it handicap accessible should be a priority.

Many people desire to remain where they feel a sense of warmth and comfort. They are familiar with the neighborhood and may still be active in the community. Their home is comfortable, convenient and feels safe. Strong memories and traditions are difficult to leave.

Helping people age in place will contribute to healthier, safer, and happier lives for millions of older Americans. Using wisdom and preplanning may allow many more of our aging population to remain in their homes.

Caring for the Caregiver, Part 1

Many of us are ill prepared as a caregiver. When we are busy living our own life, the need to care for a parent or other family member can unexpectedly come upon us.

Being a caregiver is often a tough, draining experience, but it can offer great rewards. The following list highlights a few of the situations or feelings a caregiver may experience.

Physical and emotional:
+ guilt, anger, frustration
+ fatigue
+ depression
+ health problems
+ stress due to limited training and lack of how-to information
+ stress due to amount of time and energy spent

Financial:
+ complications in the work place
+ loss of job due to relocation or time off
+ reduced work hours due to caring for your loved one
+ increased costs due to daily and/or long-term care

Social:
+ stress among family members
+ curtailed activities such as travel
+ loss of friends and relatives who may drop away
+ less personal leisure time

Sometimes a caregiver may desire to run away from the situation, or feel no one understands or cares what they are going through, especially when other family members distance themselves or are silent.

The caregiver may feel like the weight of the world is on his or her shoulders.

Fortunately, a number of options are available that may help ease the stress of caring for a loved one. For example:

1. Expanding their support network
2. Seeking professional help as needed
3. Learning to set priorities
4. Maintaining physical, mental, and emotional health
5. Joining a caregiver support group

Here are a few ideas for now. I will go into greater detail Monday.

Learning to care for a loved one is on-the-job training. Knowing ahead of time we may make mistakes along the way allows us to let go of any guilt we may feel when it happens.

When we live by the golden rule and treat others as we would want to be treated, our time as a caregiver can be a fulfilling experience.