Cries of Passion From the Forums

As some of you may know, I have linked up with other caregivers on various forums. I found several interesting points along the way:

1. Almost everyone's situation is worse than mine. I am shocked at the conditions and situations going on in the home's of the elderly and infirm. Many of the people who are incapacitated to any degree are still in their 30's, 40's and 50's. They were in accidents that caused brain damage or other severe injuries, or developed Parkinson's Disease, MS, had a stroke, or were incapacitated for a myriad number of other reasons.

2. There are husbands and wives who were barely married long enough to settle down when life situations overtook them and they became caregivers to their spouse. That was not what they intended life to be like when they got married, but that's what was handed to them. Married life is difficult enough without having a devastating development like that. I have all the respect in the world for those who have cared for a spouse for many years, staying faithful to their marriage vows.

3. The compassion and support those caregivers provide others is remarkable considering what they live with on a daily basis. They are lonely, weary to the point of exhaustion, frustrated at the lack of help from other family members, struggling financially and physically, and yet they are able to lend a loving ear and caring heart to others on the forums.

Many of the caregivers are in dire need of care themselves. They are crying out for help as they are also providing aid, to their loved one and to those on the Internet. A theme on every thread is that they are so glad they found a place where they can pour out their heart to someone who understands.

That seems to be the greatest need of caregivers - to find someone else who understands.

Care giving takes more patience and understanding than any one of us has on our own. Whether we pull from a higher power, each other, or our own inner strength, we do the best we can under the circumstances. No wonder we are exhausted.

I wonder if people realize how much is going on in the lives of people all over the world. There are so many stories out there of struggles and hardship and pain and suffering, it is heartbreaking. All I can do is wonder why?

Maybe that's what life is all about - helping others. When we were younger, we kind of floated along living life, usually focused on ourselves, but then we came up against a season of time where either we had great needs or somebody needed us, and there was a huge paradigm shift in our lives and our way of thinking.

If you know a caregiver, reach out today with a word of encouragement, a hug, or even better, lend a hand to give them a time of respite. Many caregivers are also working part or full time and still carrying out their duties. Please do what you can to ease their burden.

Just think - someday you may be on the receiving end and needing care or respite. What would you want others to do for you?

Caring for the Caregiver, Part 2 - Expand Your Support Network

Few people are prepared for the daunting task of care giving. Fatigue, depression, and health problems can plague a caregiver unless he or she seeks necessary relief. Thankfully, numerous options are now available for respite and renewal. Here are several suggestions:

1. Join a support group. A group related to a loved one’s illness or disease provides an opportunity to meet people who understand what you are going through. Often support groups discuss wide-ranging topics or bring in a speaker who can answer questions and suggest available resources. A social time usually follows.

Support groups bring together people from all lifestyles. During group sessions, they are able to share experiences in a safe and supportive environment, update each other since the last meeting, laugh and cry together, and many times form lasting friendships.

Support group meeting times and locations are sometimes available through local hospitals, listed in the community section of the newspaper, or on the Internet. Many people network with other caregivers in online forums.

2. Seek individual counseling. If support groups are not available in your area, consider talking to a pastor or counselor. Many churches offer free or by donation counseling and support services.

3. Surround yourself with caring people. Choose people who make you feel valued and cared about. Appropriate family members, friends or co-workers, church members, and neighbors can offer strong emotional and mental support.

During this season of time, you need positive and loving reinforcement, laughter, meaningful conversation, and the ability to share feelings and concerns.

4. Find outside interests. All caregivers should avoid isolation. Many times you may feel too tired to join a support group or attend functions. However, you must make the effort to become involved in some form of activity.

A few activities you could try are:

+ Join a group. Become a member of a group that interests you and can expand your horizons, such as a writing group, or a book or garden club.
+ Take a class. There are numerous classes held in local schools, in the community, or on the Internet. Learn a new language, paint a picture in oil or watercolor, or create a vase in pottery class.
+ Join a health club or swim at a local pool. Many schools offer free or low cost opportunities to use their pool.
+ Volunteer for an hour or two for local organizations, museums, theatre groups.
+ Walk daily or several times a week with a neighbor or friend
+ Participate in a golf league or on a bowling team.

Expanding your support network provides an opportunity for much needed respite several hours a day or week. Ask for volunteers or hire someone to care for your loved one while you take a few hours for yourself. Adult day care centers are available in many locations.

To provide adequate care to a loved one, a caregiver could seek outside activities. Although you may feel too tired to go anywhere, even the smallest step will bring a sense of renewal and will enable you, in the end, to provide better care.

What one activity would you like to do today to give yourself a mental and physical boost? Consider taking part in that activity in the next few days or weeks. You will feel much better for the experience.

Communications 101: Back to the Basics

Most of us tend to be social creatures. Emotionally, we need interaction with other people.

The week after my mother's funeral, Dad began attending Tuesday and Thursday senior lunch programs just a couple blocks from his home. He already knew several people who attended and has met many more during the past four years.

For a while he enjoyed the day trips offered through the Senior Center, but due to his eyesight he decided he was no longer able to attend.

That same week, he also purchased a motorized vehicle which enabled him to get around town. Driving himself to the dentist, barbershop, drug store, and several local restaurants gave him a freedom he had not experienced in quite a while.

Dad and his brother were born with limited eyesight. He attended the School for the Blind during his high school years. Dad was also color blind most of his life due to a childhood illness. He has not had a drivers license since his thirties and has had to depend on others for transportation for many years.

His travels around town, connecting with other people, provided him a social life he would not otherwise have enjoyed.

Dad belongs to the local Masonic Temple and has actively participated in their meetings as well as attended meetings in several neighboring towns. His fellow Masons provide rides to most of the functions. I tease him about his "guys night out", but I believe it has helped him after the loss of his wife.

Between the Senior Center and the Masons, Dad has something to look forward to other than sitting in his chair and watching TV or listening to his talking books. When I first moved in with him, I noticed his struggle with depression. Being actively involved in outside activities has brought him new energy and the opportunity to look to the future.

On another communication note: This afternoon I am meeting a friend at our local cappuccino spot for coffee and conversation. In her early 70's, she provides care for her eighty-five-year- old husband who has Alzheimer's. We met through a local writers group in the fall of 2006 and meet on occasion to chat. With mid-eighties men and a love of writing in common, we enjoy our time together.

We need our social time, whether we are the senior needing care or the caregiver in need of respite. Having a specific place to go, meeting new people or touching base with old friends, enlarging our circle and opening our minds to new and varied topics provides us the opportunity to keep moving forward.

As we age we are sometimes tempted to spend too much time dwelling on the past. Our social network helps us plan and anticipate, look forward to the next meeting, laugh, enjoy, and experience life outside the home, at least for a couple of hours.

If possible, reach out today and connect with a friend. You'll be glad you did.