On June 13, the fourth anniversary of our mother’s death, my sister and I were talking about how we missed her now more than ever. We realized what we missed most was the ability to touch her. Although she had lost the capacity to communicate, while she was alive we could still give and receive hugs.
Our mother loved to touch. When I was young, her desire to touch was an irritant. Now I would give anything to feel her presence and give her a hug.
Merriam-Webster’s Collegiate Dictionary defines hug as follows: “To press tightly, especially in the arms; to hold fast: cherish; to stay close to.” Touch provides comfort, security, affection. Gentle loving physical contact can bring peace to the soul; convey understanding, concern, and love.
When dementia has robbed a love one of the ability to verbally interact with or recognize family members, a warm hug can speak volumes. When we are no longer able to communicate, we learn others ways to connect. Touching conveys a powerful message that we are present in our loved ones life.
Our family as a whole has never been particularly touchy-feely. In later years, Mom led the way in breaking the emotional and physical distance between us. Unfortunately we are now denied the very thing we miss the most, the ability to touch our mother.
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